Never Walked In High Heels

I don’t ask for help as much as I should.

The truth is, disabled or not, most of us don’t. This is most likely caused by an innate fear of showing weakness and like other mammals we are programmed with a “survival of the fittest” mentality. When you are disabled, admitting you need help can feel like you are losing what little independence you have. You are conflicted because you know you need the help but you want to do it on your own. Sometimes it is hard to ask family members because you don’t want to be a strain on an already busy group of people, despite their willingness. Plus, you may have to wait a few minutes or adjust your schedule until they are available to assist. My mind is plague by this conflict almost hourly.

Fortunately, my mind doesn’t always have to be and I owe it all to the wonderful ladies that I have hired to help. When I went away to college I got my first taste of hiring a staff, managing them and developing a rapport with them. At first, the task was daunting and stressful, but after a few weeks, it became easy. I originally hired four students, from all academic disciplines (not just nurses and therapists), and finished with eight on staff. I never turned away a willing person (you never know when you might need them) and would add people to a back-up list in case a primary attendant needed a shift covered.

Now that I am back at home and unemployed, I am alone during the day, while my parents work and was tired of having to ask friends, neighbors and relatives to come each week and then worry if I couldn’t find someone for Friday or any other day. How was I going to eat lunch on Friday? This dilemma happened often and I was tired of worrying. Finding reliable people who were willing to come for several hours a day was a bit trickier to do in the “real world” because I do not live near a college campus but I eventually accomplished the goal. I have two wonderful ladies that come.

Having control over your life, when you can, is so important and having personal care attendants allows me to have it. I am no longer on someone else’s schedule as I tell them when to come and go. Because I am in charge, I also control how things get done. This is equally important to me given that I like my things organized and my parents are often too busy to adhere to my preferred system. Don’t get me wrong; I am extremely appreciative of my family’s help. It shows me how much I am loved. But I am 25 and need to have my own life, like all of my peers.

Perhaps the most rewarding part of hiring my own staff isn’t the work that they do for me, it is the deep friendship that develops. It happens gradually but there comes a time when I am no longer a boss and they are no longer an employee. And when that happens, it isn’t hard to ask for help anymore.