Never Walked In High Heels

 “I can’t keep going on like this.”

“That’s what you think.”

- From Waiting for Godot

It was one of those productions that is a guaranteed money maker. Four legendary British actors performing one of the greatest plays of the twentieth century Waiting for Godot. After we left, I found myself discussing the production with my escort. It’s something we thespians do to suck the fun out of any show we see, often if only to make ourselves feel better. Crossing over Trafalgar Square we avoided the traffic while trying to make sense of what we just saw.

“Because that is what life is about really.” We’d come to that point in the conversation where we had reached gross generalizations and bromides. All actors hit this point after seeing a show; when their critique runs out but the conversation’s inertia hasn’t.

The reason (largely) that I don’t let the conversation die is that this is a friend I love being around. Actually that’s only part of the explanation. The fact is I don’t want to go home because I feel stuck. I don’t have the energy to worry that my career’s going nowhere. At home there’s a stack of rejected grant applications waiting for me. Each one has a different reason for rejection that conflicts with all of the others. I’ve gone to bed every night this week wondering if I’ve accomplished anything since college.

“This is my friend Athena,” he begins as he’s introducing me to his friends. “She told me at twenty that she was going to move to London and act. Now she owns her own theater company.” The preface acts as a jolt yanking me back from my spine. I am reminded how he sees me, even on the days that I can’t look past myself. He knows where I’ve come from, and can look back to see that progress is being made.  I just don’t always believe him, or the distance traveled.

The men who wait for Godot together couldn’t survive separated. Even if Godot is as wonderful as the other characters seem to think he is, the day to day grating of life, just the mundane things, is enough to make the waiting in faith impossible. Add to that the stress of striving to make something of life, and you have eighty plus years to carry a burden that is impossible to lift alone.

The friends which make life tolerable, are the ones that know you better than you do yourself.  Moreover, the friends who make this life bearable are the ones that can see more depth in you than you knew you ever had. In the statement: “that’s what you think,” there is packed so much hope for perseverance. They push further, knowing that the ineria must keep going.

Godot never shows up of course. Or at least he doesn’t bother to show up during the two and a half hours we are watching it.  But in a world where the dramatic situation never changes the players do change. They wait. They hold onto hope for just that one day longer than they thought they possible yesterday. Even if the hope is just enough for today, its all you need now.

And in that second when a friend convinces you that you can keep going, perhaps that’s when Godot actually shows up.